Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
