As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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