I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
