Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
