woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
