I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize