How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
