I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
