somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Duck Duck Cougar?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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