No, drunk sperm still make babies.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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