Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
