I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
