You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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