Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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