i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
