I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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