Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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