My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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