Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
