he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
