Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
