So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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