like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
