well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
