it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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