she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
