Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Send help, water and tortillas.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
