i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize