dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
