Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
