She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
