I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
