i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
