Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
