we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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