He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
