And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
