Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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