its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
