my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
