I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
