New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize