they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
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