Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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