omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
