Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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