he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
