remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
