Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
