My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
