They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
