swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize