I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
