I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
