Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
