Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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