I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
