i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
This is the high leading the old right now
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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