Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
