This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
