dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize