My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
