Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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