you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The air was thick with penises
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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