I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
