Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
