Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
