OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
my liver is dry heaving
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
