Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
