dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
