If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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