So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
