Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
