Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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