EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
