he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
This house was built for laser tag.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
