babies were throwing up all over the place
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize