i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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