I just cut my nipple shaving
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
