Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize