can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
