i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
