soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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