Got a toothbrush?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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