and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
