i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So many bounce houses so little time
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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