the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
