I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
