i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
