Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
