Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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