best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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