we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I have fence marks all over my body
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize