Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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