I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She's the barista slut.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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