Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
