do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
