I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
