I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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