Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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