Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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