so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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