Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
