you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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