Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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