I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
