I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
