I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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