i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
