she woke up with a sticky ear
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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