You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Two words: blizzard sex
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
